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Obama went to church but didn't inhale. That was how he blew off his pastor of 20 years so easily. #election2008quotesSo happy about the prospect of no more recorded political phone calls! #TMJ4 #StillHaveALandline

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Dynamic Duo http://t.co/TblfPtAd

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I caught two of these! http://t.co/9CBo30fH

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We went to the beach today... in Milwaukee! http://t.co/7gaD7dbc@JimGaffigan Nice paster, JG! I lave haw the pelican has a machine gun!

Here's what's been going through my head for three days now... http://t.co/17jLkyCJ

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I haven't listened to this yet, but I know I'm going to like it... #JoshGarrels new EP, and it's free... http://t.co/e88qKs4G

@philvischer Glad to hear it. I've always gotten up there and gotten confused about which Joseph, or was it Psalms or Proverbs and what not.@philvischer It's not as easy as it looks, is it?It's so hard to find good advice these days, but this guy is always dead-on... http://t.co/1fbkjS7n

@DavidAcuff That's the saddest "happy place" I've ever seen.

@BokGwai How bout Samoas? Or Caramel Delights?Can I just eat Thin Mints instead of brushing my teeth?

@BokGwai The chickens are great with business, but all the eggs ever think about is getting laid.@BokGwai Chickens. The farmers are just middlemen.My wife and I are singlehandedly keeping chickens in business.

We are farmers. Bah ba dump bump, bump bump bum!

How do you spell "WHAH, Whah, whah, Whaaaah"?

@SteveMartinToGo I wish I were a glove on that hand."It reminds me of Rome ... the way the sun hits the buildings in the afternoon."

Did anyone see the Hugos last night? I mean, the #Oscars?"Winter, slumbering in the open air, wears on its smiling face a dream... of spring."

Be sure to check out #AstoriaFacts online!

To the folks who came up with nihilism: thanks for nothing!Finally a bite size McNugget. Now I don't have to waste energy chewing. http://t.co/TUKOKPlb
Retweeted by Jason Richards

@kimflum You might be onto something here...! "Retailers Shut Facebook Storefonts Amid Apathy" http://t.co/myBzzgwc via @BloombergNews

I think I would like to meet Ben Stiller someday.@JimGaffigan is a funny guy. He could have a future in #comedy someday.

#li Is it wrong that I can't stay away from the B&H website for more than a day at a time?I promise not to try and tackle any deep issues in 140 characters or less.